Leaving Leadville: Packing and Packing and more Packing

The month of June 2016 is a complete blur to me. Once we decided to move it was time to get to work. Not only did we  have a huge moving sale to prepare for, but we were also looking at homes on zillow and working on getting the Leadville house ready for sale.

Looking for a home when you are 2,000 miles away is really hard. Thankfully we have wonderful family that would drive by a house we were interested in and let us know how the outside looked and how the neighborhood looked. We were in love with this one house, but it was really close to the train and the neighborhood was not the best. I knew nothing about Long Island or the town we wanted to move to, so I was asking a lot of questions and looking at maps and learning what streets to avoid because they are really busy with traffic. At one point we found a house that was about 20 minutes from the family and it was right on the water. It was an older home and for one night we were excited. We talked about what it would be like to just walk out and have a perfect view of the sound. Then we really thought about it and looked at the pictures more, and this home was going to need some major work and since neither of us have "rehabbing a home" skills we quickly let this house go.

And then we found the cutest little house. It was adorable outside, recently updated inside and we feel in love. We had family go over there during an open house and we even put an offer in for it. This was mid July and were excited for this house, but not getting our hopes up. Once we visited the home we quickly learned that zillow can be very inaccurate. One of the things we loved about this home was the downstairs room that had all windows leading outside. When we got there, there was no room and no beautiful sun room. Plus, there were about 20 steps to get upstairs and the whole inside was just not a good fit for us. I remember leaving the house kind of sad because we had such high hopes for this house. But it just wasn't going to be good for us. When we left we decided to go back and look at the very first house we  had looked at that morning.

We had flown in the day before and the next day we were set up to see 7 homes. The first house we went to is the house wen ended up buying. When we came in the morning it was dark outside, rainy and kind of chilly. I loved the house, but I was still thinking about the house that we really loved, which we weren't planning on seeing until later in the day. After we decided the other house wasn't a good fit my mind instantly went back to the house we are in now. When we came back it was around 4pm and the sun was shinning and the house looked completely different. I knew right away that this was the house we needed to buy. We had really hoped to get a ranch style house, but we also knew we had limited time to find a house and this house really is perfect in every way despite having stairs. The house was taken down to the studs and rebuilt just a few months before we bought it, so everything is brand new in the house. It was perfect for two women that have limited repair skills. lol

Our current house is so similar to the house I owned in Kansas City. The layout of the houses is flipped so the only time I feel like the house looks like my previous home is when I am pulling up and I see the outside. I hope to stay in this home for a very long time because it has such a cozy, homey feeling. Others have mentioned that when they come here it feels very warm and cozy and that is exactly how I want my home to feel. I want others to feel welcome and loved when they walk inside.

My home in Kansas City long after I owned it

New Home sweet home

Sold! We'll take it! 

So we have our new house picked out and it's time to get serious about selling the house in Leadville. We decided to put the house on the market in August and we had set a date of closing on the new house and moving in Mid September. The first weekend in August I decided to drive to KC to celebrate my niece's first birthday. We had decided on a realtor and they were coming by to take pictures and sign the contracts while I was gone. As soon as I get in KC, D calls me and tells me the house is immediately going on the market (we wanted to wait a few weeks to work on decluttering more) and they were having an open house within days. I felt so bad because I was in KC having fun with my family and D was at home picking up the house and making it ready for showings and pictures. Lucky for me, I have an understanding wife who insisted I enjoy my visit with my family.

Having your house for sale is a pain in the ass. We had to be ready at any moment to leave the house and pick the house up as best as we could. By this point we were done with the majority of the decluttering and were packing. It's hard to keep the house "show ready" while packing. But we managed and we were having a lot of people coming through our house interested in buying.

So here we are...September. We are down to just a few weeks and what we are about to embark on is slowing hitting home and I think we were both so nervous, anxious, excited and tired.

We have a final moving date and time from the moving company and now we just wait for that day to come.

Here are a few more pictures from our last month in Leadville.

We sold so many things. Happy these went to our neighbor  that we love. 

We sold the cat tree so poor Little Love had nothing to play on. 

Hanging out in the car while the house is being shown

Going to the dog park one last time

One last lunch at our favorite place in Buena Vista. 

Picnic lunch at the hot springs

Trying Dim Sum in Denver

Frisco, Colorado also known as Heaven on Eearth

Oh S***. 

The lovely, horrible Leadville Safeway. The one thing in Leadville that we don't miss. 

Our one drive thru burger/mexican place

I miss my buddies here. They got to know me really well. 

Filled to the brim with boxes

Hard to walk anywhere

We had the best sunsets in our backyard

Saying goodbye to the crew at Avon Pet Center

Don't forget me. 

Look at the view we had. 

Phil at Kum & Go. He's a tough shell but every once in a while I saw how kind his heart is. 

Leaving Leadville: Preparing to move

Once we decided to move I knew we had at least 7 weeks before things were going to be getting real. We had previously planned a trip for late July to visit the family, but now that we had decided to move there, this upcoming trip was going to be the trip where we find our next home.  Most people laughed at us when we would tell them that we planned on finding a home during those 6 days, but we both knew we had to find something because summer ends quickly in Leadville and we really wanted to be out before the snow started falling.

Then there was our home in Leadville. We knew we had to sell it quickly and with it already being June, we had to declutter the house quickly, make any needed repairs and get it on the market. Once again, the summer ends quickly in Leadville around mid-September and once the snow comes, the town looses a lot of the visitors. Summer time is so beautiful in Leadville. The wildflowers are all blooming and everything has turned green in what seems like overnight. Many of the homes in Leadville are second homes, so summer time is usually when people are looking for a second home, so it was important for us to get the house on the market with enough time before the selling season was over.

Thinking back on all that we did just to get the house in order to be on the market, makes me tired. A year ago, I knew that we had a huge mountain in front of us and it was going to take a lot of time and patience and hard work. The thing we decided to do first was to have a huge garage sale. It was time to get rid of some of our stuff and we hoped and prayed that our junk would be a treasure to someone else. I don't know how many hours I spent going through things, bringing books out to the garage and organizing the items we were selling, but it was a lot. I found that I worked great late at night and there were some nights I was in the garage well past midnight getting things ready for the big sale.

All during this, I think both D and I were in shock. D had never wanted to leave Leadville and wanted to stay there forever. When I moved there, I learned why this town was so special and decided that I, too, wanted to live here forever...at the top of the world. As much as we knew that we needed to move to lower altitude, it was breaking our hearts to leave this wonderful little mountain town.

Leadville is so meaningful to us as a couple. The first time I came to visit D, we drove from Colorado Springs to her home in Leadville. The first year of our relationship we spent many of those weekends there in her cozy and warm home. It's where we fell in love, where we got to know each other and what makes the other person tick. We learned to live together as a couple, we experienced me finding my birth family and the most important thing...it is where we were married. Exchanging our vows in that home makes it even more special.

There were so many times when I would drive away from home on my way to work and I just hated leaving. Then when I would pull in at the end of the day, or after being away on a work trip, driving up our street and seeing the greatest little house there on the left, always made me feel better.

When we first decided to move I told D that we had to take the rock in front that had the address on it. At first she was not sure, but I insisted that it was something we needed to take because she had it specially made. I'm glad I persisted because everything we walk out our back door and look to the left, there is our 9 Comstock Sign. I wanted to make sure we always had a part of Leadville with us.

Leaving Leadville: Deciding to Move

Hard to believe that we have been here in New York for 8 months now. I am kicking myself for not writing about leaving our home in Colorado before now because I know I have forgotten some of the details, but I'm going to try to write about our cross country adventure because when we think back to what we did, we are both shocked that we managed to move 2,000 miles away. And with pets, there are always adventures...especially considering we were in 8 different hotel rooms in 10 days.

It was a year ago this week that I gave my notice at work. I was so upset about leaving that job because I really enjoyed what I was doing, before they changed my job description.  I was working with at risk adults and also doing a little bit with foster care. I was told 7 months prior that I had no choice that my position was changing and I was going to have to be trained in child welfare. I've been a social worker since 1997 and there is reason I have never worked with children. It's just not my thing. Because I really liked my job, as well as my co-workers, I pushed through the training and got my certification to be a child welfare worker. Within weeks I knew I just didn't have it in me to do child welfare. I told with D and as the loving and supportive wife that she is, she said...Do what you need to do. So, I turned in my notice.

The last few weeks of work after you put in your resignation can be either really good, or can be really awkward.  I wasn't treated poorly my last few weeks, but there was definitely some tension. My employer was pissed that after all that training I was now putting in my notice and I totally understand their frustration but I had told them I had childhood trauma that might interfere with my capacity as a child welfare worker and I was told numerous times....you have no choice. I was trying hard to keep my job, but there was no flexibility with my employer. They were pretty set on what they wanted and after I put in my notice, I realized I was not what they wanted.

The beginning of June was my last day and suddenly I was unemployed. I knew it could take months to find another job and we were both prepared to spend the summer hanging out enjoying the wonderful summer months at the top of the world.

It's no secret that I loved Long Island. My first trip to L.I. was in September 2011 and that is when I feel in love with this island hanging on the bottom of New York. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but everything was green and lush and I just loved it. In the beginning of our relationship D and I always talked about where we wanted to end up at because we both knew that at some point the altitude would be too much for one or both of us. Long Island was always at the top of that list because of D's family here but we always said it could never happen because it was way too expensive to live here. When you are looking for a house here, the first thing you look at is the taxes...not the price. The price may be right, but you may be paying 12,000+ a year for property taxes. Yeah, it's that expensive here. I always gave a huge shout out for Kansas City because the altitude was lower, my family was there and it is very reasonable to live there financially. I imagined us getting a house on Lake Lotawana (we had a cabin out there when I was a kid...before it exploded in popularity) and maybe both of us not having to work...I dreamed and I shared that dream with D and she always said no. One of her best sayings is....God told the Gays and the Jews to get to the sides!!!   We even thought about Arizona for a while. It's really hot, but the humidity is low, the altitude was good and the cost of living is reasonable. But then we are in a city and state where we know only a handful of people and we are even further away from our families. Sorry Arizona...it's not going to happen.

So we always came back to Long Island. After I left my job we spent so many hours talking. Talking about the pros of Colorado and the pros of L.I and we did the same with the cons of both places. I kept that list and when we moved into our house here, I taped that list to the inside door of one of our kitchen cabinets. It's fun to look back on that now.

So, it was time for us to move down the mountain and rejoin society. The other crazy thing about Leadville is how small of a town it is. With a population of only 2,500 you get to know the people in town. I had become friends with the manager at the local convieanence store and a few years ago there was a wreck on the highway I normally drove home on and when the manager saw me the next time she expressed how concerned she was because she hadn't seen me that night and was hoping I wasn't in the accident. It had a great feel of the community taking care of each other. Whenever someone was sick or needed some extra help, the town always seemed to come together to help that person or family. So, we knew it was going to be a shock moving from a little tiny mountain town to right outside the center of the world. (NYC) The upside to moving to such a highly populated area is all the food options and that was on our list of pros for moving to NY...all the wonderful food options. In Leadville we were pretty limited to a handful of Mexican restaurants, a few coffee shops, a steak place that only sold steak and a Subway. And living in such a tourist area in the summer, many times the locals would go to these few restaurants and they are sold out of things because 2,000 more people are in town for the weekend.

It's so scary thinking about moving across the country. Our house in Leadville was (almost) perfect. The roof was not slanted enough for the snow to melt off, so several times a winter we would have to have our roof shoveled. Not shoveling the roof enough can cause water damage in your house...as we learned a few years back. It was one level, it had a jacuzzi tub and we had just put in a tankless water heater...which is awesome when you live int he tundra and need to take a really hot shower to warm up. If we could have picked up the house in Leadville and brought it here, we would have done that. So, deciding to leave Leadville was especially hard since we loved our home so much. And we loved the weather. We loved the snow we got and the nice cool temperatures and, well, I can't say it anymore than we fucking loved living in Leadville. I think both of us wished we could have stayed there longer but it just wasn't in the books for us.

We made the decision on a Saturday and by the next day we called the family to tell them that we were officially moving to Long Island. No one ever thought D would ever come back to L.I. so the news that we were moving was quite a shock to the family.

So we are moving. When you live at 10,200 feet you have about 12 weeks of "probably" no snow. We knew that if we wanted to move before the summer of 2017, we would have to do this move pretty quickly. Once the snow moves in, many companies will not come to Leadville and even moving before the snow came in, there were many major moving companies that said they would not drive to Leadville.

I was able to have about 10 days of not working and not having to do anything else when we decided to move. Suddenly my little break from work was over and I had to get ready to get the house ready to sell...and I knew there was so much to do. So much.

I'll end this post with some of my favorite pictures of our home in Leadville. The house is awesome because D put so much work into the inside and the landscaping around the house. Lucky me was able to move in and not have to do much.

March 1

Here's my attempt  to try to keep a journal of this journey I am on with my Dad.

Talked to Dad today and he sounds good. Last night I got a call from J and he had asked if I had talked to Dad. J then told me that Dad's good friend D. had gotten bad results from the cancer biopsy he recently had. Dad hasn't said anything to me, so I really don't know if this is true.

Dad sounded good, but I can tell that he is over doing it. My Dad smoked for more than 50 years and up until a few weeks ago he was still smoking. He also has COPD and kept it a secret from everyone until just a few years ago.  Thankfully he agreed to take Chantix to stop smoking and I think he's stopped, but I just don't know. I'll know for sure when I get to town next week. When I asked my Dad what he did today he said he cleaned some of the bathrooms and other little things. How in the world can I get this man to slow down and just take it easy. His body needs to rest and he's doing anything but that. Then tonight he told me that he had a sore throat. His immune system is so weak and fragile right now that it would be really bad if he got sick again.

After 12 years of really not having a relationship with my family, it's so weird to suddenly be okay with everyone in the family. Well, almost everyone. My adoptive Mom is allowing me in the home, and will have some conversation with me, but she has made it very clear that she doesn't want anything more than just casual conversations. My last night in KC during my last trip, I asked her if I could give her a hug and she said...I really shouldn't. I then leaned in and hugged her stiff body. There was no return in the hug. I then made the mistake of saying to her quietly....You know it's okay if you have a relationship with me. She pulled back and said...Don't get started. I stood up and walked away.

My adoptive Mom is tough one and is the most stubborn person I know. I guess I am not wasting much time or emotions on my relationship with her because right now my focus is on my Dad. My Dad is still pretty sick and I don't know how much time I have left, so I am not going to spend one minute wondering why her heart is so cold towards me.

I've realized in the last month that I need an outlet and I am forcing myself to write. I talked to my Dad's doctor 3 weeks ago, and despite how good my Dad says he is doing, I know the bottom line is...he is still pretty sick.

I promise to be back this time. So much I want to write about, share about my Dad and moments to remember for always.

Sometimes the past is best left there

Earlier in the week I got a friend request from this guy I grew up with because we went to the same congregation. I actually had a huge crush on his younger brother and looking back now I can see how much of a nuisance I was. lol So, I get this friend request and this is someone that I was once friends with, but unfriended him because he had made some stupid comments about Nazi's or something like that. I also wasn't that impressed with what kind of life he was living...going out partying all the time, talking about what woman he was sleeping with on that day, etc. Part of me wanted to ignore the request, but the nosey part of me wanted to see what he was up to. Within a few minutes he sends me a private message and tells me how close he is to my (adoptive) brother. My response was something like....My brother hates me. This person says how he is going to talk to my (adoptive) brother because there is nothing more important than family. I wrote back...okay. This person (who is a man is his late 40's) then writes me and says that if it works out with my (adoptive) brother then I owe him a bj.

My first thought was shock that he had just written this to me. I immediately thought about how all women have to put up with so much sexual crap from men in all directions. What a sad world we live in. And I don't want to bring politics up, but he is a rabid Trump supporter. I guess if his president talks to and about women like that, it's okay for him to say whatever he wants to me.

A few minutes later I got a message saying...Nope your brother is still pretty mad at you.

Not surprised and after reading this message I really didn't care. But it did get me thinking about what I did to deserve such coldness and hatefulness from my family, but especially my (adoptive) brother. Maybe it was one of these things.....

*Maybe he is mad at me because he was so horrible to me as a child. Maybe it's because he hit me every day that ended in the letter Y, maybe it was the sexual abuse I endured for 2 years, or maybe it was because he made me get naked in front of his friends.

*Maybe it was because he stole my very first checkbook and cashed so many checks that the bank told me I was too high risk because of my brother and they were closing my account. I was 16.

*Maybe he can't bear the fact that he called me every dirty name in the book, most of them in front of his friends or in public.

*Maybe it because I was forced to allow him to come into my home when I was 27 because no one else in the family trusted him in their home. It didn't take long for him to steal from me, including my wedding ring and my video camera.

*Maybe it was because he has shouted and screamed at me so many times how much he hates and detests me; how I am a disgusting person that doesn't deserve shit. (actual quotes from him)

*Maybe it's because I took him and his wife and young child in so many times I lost count. This was usually when all other bridges were burned down.

*Maybe it was all the love I gave his children and how much I loved and cared for them while he was out getting fucked up on alcohol and cocaine.

I am happy because I am at the point where I really don't care if I speak to my brother and his wife ever again. They have 3 teenagers and I would love to one day see them, but I am not going to hold my breathe. Twelve years ago when I lost the family I was devastated and felt so alone, but I have build up a really nice family in the last 12 years and there comes a time in your life that no matter what a person has to offer you, you don't want it and it's not worth it.

Last May I had the chance to go into the house I lived from ages 12-22. It had been since 2004 since I had been in there and I was anxious to see how things had changed. Much to my surprise so much of the house was exactly the same, but just 12 years older. Like, I think the same pot for some of the indoor plants were the same one from 12 years sgo. It was kind of like things were frozen in time and the only thing that had changed was time.

But things had changed and the home that was once my safe haven in the world, now felt completely cold and a place that I didn't want to stay long. When I was cut off from the family I really missed my parents house. I used to just drop by and walk in the front door without knocking and it was always going to be home. For a couple years after I was disfellowshipped I would drive by the house and see my parents in the window and cry because I just wanted to be part of the family again.

Some things are meant to stay in the past. I have learned this a couple times with friending people on Facebook. Life is always changing and when someone from your past comes into your life, sometimes they no longer fit in your life and aren't suppose to be back in your life and it's okay to not bring them along for your future.

Come Together

So sorry for the delay in writing about our cross country journey. Every couple of days D says to me...You really need to finish up the story of us driving cross country. My wife is always right! 

While we were still in Hays, KS I called my Dad as well as my birth family to coordinate all of us having lunch. When I got off the phone, I looked at D and said...Oh my gosh, my birth and adoptive family are going to have lunch together. I knew it would go fine, but I didn't know how it would be for my birth Mom to meet my adoptive Dad. I spoke with my birth Mom to make sure she was okay with the meeting and the sweet person she is, she immediately said it was fine. I gotta say, my birth Mom is so wonderful and such a wonderful person. All my life I wondered what she was like and if I was like her. After meeting her, I know for sure that I got my tender and soft heart from her. And she is so wonderful with whatever plans I have for her and I when I come to town. Finding her again has been of the best things in my adult life. I know I have written about this before, but I seriously thought about her every single day since I was 10. I wanted to know who she was and what lead up to her placing me up for adoption. When you wish for something your whole life and then a Facebook private message makes that wish come true, it takes a while to realize what has happened. It was like I was finding myself all over again and at times it was very difficult. For the first 6 months I cried just about every day and if someone asked me about finding my birth family I would usually cry. I think it took me a full year to finally not cry about finding my Mama.

It was a long drive from Hays, KS to Kansas City. I think it was only 5 hours to drive, but I was so nervous about the upcoming lunch. I should also add that the day before I talked with my Dad and made sure he was okay with meeting my whole new family and he was wonderful and said that would be okay.

We got there first and then slowly everyone else showed up. There were 8 of us there and it was one of the greatest lunches. The whole lunch was easy conversation and everyone really seemed to get along and like each other. During lunch my Dad got everyones attention and pulled out a bracelet that belonged to my Grandma Murphy and he gave it to me. As soon as I saw the bracelet I was flooded with memories of my Grandma Murphy and I remember her wearing this exact bracelet. I think as a little girl I always hoped she would give it to me because it has about 10 little charms that each one represents something about Minnesota. My Grandma Murphy is so special to me and Minnesota is so special to me because of my Grandma Murphy. Getting this bracelet was like a gift from heaven. And for my Dad to present it to me in front of everyone was a wonderful thing. He said he knew she would want me to have it. My grandma Murphy was a very tiny woman so there is no way the bracelet would fit me now, so I have it in my wallet, so every time I open my wallet I am reminded of my Grandma Murphy.

It was hard leaving this lunch because I knew it was going to be a long time before I would be back to Kansas City. Moving cross county, unpacking and finding work doesn't leave much time to go back for a visit. Now that I won't be using any vacation time to visit NY, I am hoping to have longer visits in KC when I go home.

After lunch everyone came outside to meet (or see again) our cats, Lizzy and the birds. We all stood around for about 30 minutes talking and I could tell we were all wanting to just freeze time because the 8 of us were having such a good time together. Eventually I said..Okay, we really need to go this time. I hugged each of them and we got in our cars and we on our way east. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I saw the 6 of them walking to their cars talking. I smile and felt so happy that I was able to see all of them. Between my family in Kansas City and New York, I am so so lucky and LOVED. For so many years when I was by myself I felt so unlovable, so the universe is making up for those lonely times.

Settling In

D keeps telling me that I need to update my blog and continue on with my story. She is right so here I am. I need to write more. It is so healthy for me emotionally to write and get what I need out since I tend to hold things in until there is an explosion. Plus, I love writing and I love sharing my story with whoever decides to read my public journal.

I promise to continue on with our story of driving across the county, but I want to check in with how it is living here in New York after 7 weeks. Two words: Culture Shock!

D grew up here, but has been gone for the last 20+ years. A lot of things changes in that time and after living in small towns for at least the last 16 years, it's been a challenge for her. We just take it one day at a time and we have found that playing Uno is a great way for her to relax and distract her for a bit...especially if she is winning.

Living in NYC has always been a dream and wish of mine. We have lived here for 7 weeks  now and I think L.I. (Long Island) is the closest I want to get to NYC. I am still getting used to all of the traffic. And most of the traffic is all the time. I have been out a few times around 7am on a weekend and it's not too busy out yet. I keep telling D that the traffic hasn't seemws that bad to me yet, but she keeps reminding me that we have barely left the town where we live. She's right...I am sure I will get to know the real traffic of L.I. when I start having a daily drive to work. At least a couple times a day we look at each other and say,  I can't believe we live here. I love being so close to pretty much anything I need or want. It's been fun exploring the area around our house and finding the restaurants that we like or don't like, where to get Lizzy's food and where to get work done on our cars. During the inspection for my car they told me the brakes on my back tires were really low and I needed to get them changed soon. When I asked about making an appointment they told me to just come back..and sure enough when I took the car yesterday they got me right in and get this....I was charged less than originally quoted. Then this morning my tire pressure light came on and I found a tire store within a mile from us and I took it there today and with just a little bit of air in each tire the light came off and they didn't charge me anything. Such nice people.

People are starting to recognize D and I around town because of she uses lunch boxes for her pocketbook and her current one is a South Park one. The DMV people remembered us from her pocketbook, as did the waiter at the diner. One of the many things that I love so much about D...her willingness to not care what anyone thinks and carry around a metal lunch box as her pocketbook.

We finally got the blinds up on our house. It's made such a difference in the amount of noise we hear from the street. When we looked at this house it was in July and there was no school. We have about 8 buses that go up and down our street 2x a day and most times they are at full speed. It's impossible to have our front door open in the afternoon when the buses and all the cars are driving by...it's so loud and noisy. We have found that our neighborhood is pretty quiet otherwise. We have met all our surrounding neighbors and most seem pretty friendly. The one neighbor to our right brought us over 4 boxes of snack cakes from Sara Lee. It was a very sweet gesture.

So much to get used to that is different....trash here is 2x a week, plus once a week they pick up recycles, we get our mail right at our house (we are so used to having to go to the post office), still trying to get used to watching the NY news....so many scary things going on in the world and right down the street., I suddenly want to read all about L.I. history...there are signs all over that mark the place of a building from the 1800's, etc . So fascinating I'm loving learning so much.

Life here is so good for so many reasons. We had no choice in moving out of Leadville and when we knew we had to move we talked about different places we could move and it always came back to being here. We always said...family, friends, food and we have had so much of all 3 that our bellies and hearts are filling back up with food and love.

The pot of gold is at 7-11

Keeping guard on the house

Trains all around us...I actually don't mind the sound

The DMV got to know us well. They were quick and efficient at this office. 

My wife back to doing what she loves...reading in the sun. 

Shayna outside