Here's my attempt to try to keep a journal of this journey I am on with my Dad.
Talked to Dad today and he sounds good. Last night I got a call from J and he had asked if I had talked to Dad. J then told me that Dad's good friend D. had gotten bad results from the cancer biopsy he recently had. Dad hasn't said anything to me, so I really don't know if this is true.
Dad sounded good, but I can tell that he is over doing it. My Dad smoked for more than 50 years and up until a few weeks ago he was still smoking. He also has COPD and kept it a secret from everyone until just a few years ago. Thankfully he agreed to take Chantix to stop smoking and I think he's stopped, but I just don't know. I'll know for sure when I get to town next week. When I asked my Dad what he did today he said he cleaned some of the bathrooms and other little things. How in the world can I get this man to slow down and just take it easy. His body needs to rest and he's doing anything but that. Then tonight he told me that he had a sore throat. His immune system is so weak and fragile right now that it would be really bad if he got sick again.
After 12 years of really not having a relationship with my family, it's so weird to suddenly be okay with everyone in the family. Well, almost everyone. My adoptive Mom is allowing me in the home, and will have some conversation with me, but she has made it very clear that she doesn't want anything more than just casual conversations. My last night in KC during my last trip, I asked her if I could give her a hug and she said...I really shouldn't. I then leaned in and hugged her stiff body. There was no return in the hug. I then made the mistake of saying to her quietly....You know it's okay if you have a relationship with me. She pulled back and said...Don't get started. I stood up and walked away.
My adoptive Mom is tough one and is the most stubborn person I know. I guess I am not wasting much time or emotions on my relationship with her because right now my focus is on my Dad. My Dad is still pretty sick and I don't know how much time I have left, so I am not going to spend one minute wondering why her heart is so cold towards me.
I've realized in the last month that I need an outlet and I am forcing myself to write. I talked to my Dad's doctor 3 weeks ago, and despite how good my Dad says he is doing, I know the bottom line is...he is still pretty sick.
I promise to be back this time. So much I want to write about, share about my Dad and moments to remember for always.
