Let's try this again

I need to blog. That is what I have been telling myself for the last month or so. Blogging is so good for me and it allows me a way to express what's going on with this journey I am on. It's hard to believe but blogging has been a part of life (in some way) for 11 years. My blog was my connection to the world when things got really lonely in my life and I remember leaving my email account open on my computer just waiting for someone to comment. I remember coming home and immediately writing about it. Those years I blogged on a regular basis were very lonely years for me and now I have this wonderful woman to share my life with blogging has taken a backseat to pretty much everything. I think about blogging all the time and really wish writing on a daily basis would become a habit again.

It's been almost four months since I got satellite radio and it really is one of the best things and I have enjoyed it more than I ever thought I would. I will admit that when we were in NY I really enjoyed listening to the radio and more current songs. I was a little distraught when I realized one of my favorite songs (Love Yourself) was by Justin Bieber. I just really like the song and the message behind it. Since getting satellite radio all I have been listening to is old songs. Songs from the 80s, Love Songs, anything before 2010 I am listening to. One thing that music does for me is when I hear a song I can immediately go back and picture a time in my life when that song was popular. As the song is playing I have a video playing in my mind of what my life was like during that year or time. I have so many good memories from everything before now and I can feel that happiness through the songs. Same goes for those tough memories or the times when it seemed like I had no one that loved or cared about me. With all the love and people I have in my life now, it's hard to imagine that at one time I had no one turn to when things got really hard and tough. And because I try to see the positive in everything, I see those times as when I learned how to survive and be a totally independent and success person. It was during those times when I learned that I was stronger than I ever imagined and whatever I put my mind to I could make happen. D and I talk a lot about the courage it took for me to move out of Kansas City in 2009 to a small Kansas town where I knew no one. I knew I had to get out of Kansas City because I was running into my family that was rejecting me on a weekly, if not, daily basis. I decided what I wanted and found myself a job, a cute little stone house and lots of friends that love me still to this day.

I'm a tough cookie, but I am also very tender and my heart gets hurt easily. It seems lately that my heart has been more tender and I can't figure out if that's a good thing or something I need to worry about.

I have lots of things to say.....I just need to say them.

I am going to try to write more. I have a new goal in my mind and blogging is a big part of that dream.

A great thinking place