Earlier in the week I got a friend request from this guy I grew up with because we went to the same congregation. I actually had a huge crush on his younger brother and looking back now I can see how much of a nuisance I was. lol So, I get this friend request and this is someone that I was once friends with, but unfriended him because he had made some stupid comments about Nazi's or something like that. I also wasn't that impressed with what kind of life he was living...going out partying all the time, talking about what woman he was sleeping with on that day, etc. Part of me wanted to ignore the request, but the nosey part of me wanted to see what he was up to. Within a few minutes he sends me a private message and tells me how close he is to my (adoptive) brother. My response was something like....My brother hates me. This person says how he is going to talk to my (adoptive) brother because there is nothing more important than family. I wrote back...okay. This person (who is a man is his late 40's) then writes me and says that if it works out with my (adoptive) brother then I owe him a bj.
My first thought was shock that he had just written this to me. I immediately thought about how all women have to put up with so much sexual crap from men in all directions. What a sad world we live in. And I don't want to bring politics up, but he is a rabid Trump supporter. I guess if his president talks to and about women like that, it's okay for him to say whatever he wants to me.
A few minutes later I got a message saying...Nope your brother is still pretty mad at you.
Not surprised and after reading this message I really didn't care. But it did get me thinking about what I did to deserve such coldness and hatefulness from my family, but especially my (adoptive) brother. Maybe it was one of these things.....
*Maybe he is mad at me because he was so horrible to me as a child. Maybe it's because he hit me every day that ended in the letter Y, maybe it was the sexual abuse I endured for 2 years, or maybe it was because he made me get naked in front of his friends.
*Maybe it was because he stole my very first checkbook and cashed so many checks that the bank told me I was too high risk because of my brother and they were closing my account. I was 16.
*Maybe he can't bear the fact that he called me every dirty name in the book, most of them in front of his friends or in public.
*Maybe it because I was forced to allow him to come into my home when I was 27 because no one else in the family trusted him in their home. It didn't take long for him to steal from me, including my wedding ring and my video camera.
*Maybe it was because he has shouted and screamed at me so many times how much he hates and detests me; how I am a disgusting person that doesn't deserve shit. (actual quotes from him)
*Maybe it's because I took him and his wife and young child in so many times I lost count. This was usually when all other bridges were burned down.
*Maybe it was all the love I gave his children and how much I loved and cared for them while he was out getting fucked up on alcohol and cocaine.
I am happy because I am at the point where I really don't care if I speak to my brother and his wife ever again. They have 3 teenagers and I would love to one day see them, but I am not going to hold my breathe. Twelve years ago when I lost the family I was devastated and felt so alone, but I have build up a really nice family in the last 12 years and there comes a time in your life that no matter what a person has to offer you, you don't want it and it's not worth it.
Last May I had the chance to go into the house I lived from ages 12-22. It had been since 2004 since I had been in there and I was anxious to see how things had changed. Much to my surprise so much of the house was exactly the same, but just 12 years older. Like, I think the same pot for some of the indoor plants were the same one from 12 years sgo. It was kind of like things were frozen in time and the only thing that had changed was time.
But things had changed and the home that was once my safe haven in the world, now felt completely cold and a place that I didn't want to stay long. When I was cut off from the family I really missed my parents house. I used to just drop by and walk in the front door without knocking and it was always going to be home. For a couple years after I was disfellowshipped I would drive by the house and see my parents in the window and cry because I just wanted to be part of the family again.
Some things are meant to stay in the past. I have learned this a couple times with friending people on Facebook. Life is always changing and when someone from your past comes into your life, sometimes they no longer fit in your life and aren't suppose to be back in your life and it's okay to not bring them along for your future.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Come Together
So sorry for the delay in writing about our cross country journey. Every couple of days D says to me...You really need to finish up the story of us driving cross country. My wife is always right!
While we were still in Hays, KS I called my Dad as well as my birth family to coordinate all of us having lunch. When I got off the phone, I looked at D and said...Oh my gosh, my birth and adoptive family are going to have lunch together. I knew it would go fine, but I didn't know how it would be for my birth Mom to meet my adoptive Dad. I spoke with my birth Mom to make sure she was okay with the meeting and the sweet person she is, she immediately said it was fine. I gotta say, my birth Mom is so wonderful and such a wonderful person. All my life I wondered what she was like and if I was like her. After meeting her, I know for sure that I got my tender and soft heart from her. And she is so wonderful with whatever plans I have for her and I when I come to town. Finding her again has been of the best things in my adult life. I know I have written about this before, but I seriously thought about her every single day since I was 10. I wanted to know who she was and what lead up to her placing me up for adoption. When you wish for something your whole life and then a Facebook private message makes that wish come true, it takes a while to realize what has happened. It was like I was finding myself all over again and at times it was very difficult. For the first 6 months I cried just about every day and if someone asked me about finding my birth family I would usually cry. I think it took me a full year to finally not cry about finding my Mama.
It was a long drive from Hays, KS to Kansas City. I think it was only 5 hours to drive, but I was so nervous about the upcoming lunch. I should also add that the day before I talked with my Dad and made sure he was okay with meeting my whole new family and he was wonderful and said that would be okay.
We got there first and then slowly everyone else showed up. There were 8 of us there and it was one of the greatest lunches. The whole lunch was easy conversation and everyone really seemed to get along and like each other. During lunch my Dad got everyones attention and pulled out a bracelet that belonged to my Grandma Murphy and he gave it to me. As soon as I saw the bracelet I was flooded with memories of my Grandma Murphy and I remember her wearing this exact bracelet. I think as a little girl I always hoped she would give it to me because it has about 10 little charms that each one represents something about Minnesota. My Grandma Murphy is so special to me and Minnesota is so special to me because of my Grandma Murphy. Getting this bracelet was like a gift from heaven. And for my Dad to present it to me in front of everyone was a wonderful thing. He said he knew she would want me to have it. My grandma Murphy was a very tiny woman so there is no way the bracelet would fit me now, so I have it in my wallet, so every time I open my wallet I am reminded of my Grandma Murphy.
It was hard leaving this lunch because I knew it was going to be a long time before I would be back to Kansas City. Moving cross county, unpacking and finding work doesn't leave much time to go back for a visit. Now that I won't be using any vacation time to visit NY, I am hoping to have longer visits in KC when I go home.
After lunch everyone came outside to meet (or see again) our cats, Lizzy and the birds. We all stood around for about 30 minutes talking and I could tell we were all wanting to just freeze time because the 8 of us were having such a good time together. Eventually I said..Okay, we really need to go this time. I hugged each of them and we got in our cars and we on our way east. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I saw the 6 of them walking to their cars talking. I smile and felt so happy that I was able to see all of them. Between my family in Kansas City and New York, I am so so lucky and LOVED. For so many years when I was by myself I felt so unlovable, so the universe is making up for those lonely times.
While we were still in Hays, KS I called my Dad as well as my birth family to coordinate all of us having lunch. When I got off the phone, I looked at D and said...Oh my gosh, my birth and adoptive family are going to have lunch together. I knew it would go fine, but I didn't know how it would be for my birth Mom to meet my adoptive Dad. I spoke with my birth Mom to make sure she was okay with the meeting and the sweet person she is, she immediately said it was fine. I gotta say, my birth Mom is so wonderful and such a wonderful person. All my life I wondered what she was like and if I was like her. After meeting her, I know for sure that I got my tender and soft heart from her. And she is so wonderful with whatever plans I have for her and I when I come to town. Finding her again has been of the best things in my adult life. I know I have written about this before, but I seriously thought about her every single day since I was 10. I wanted to know who she was and what lead up to her placing me up for adoption. When you wish for something your whole life and then a Facebook private message makes that wish come true, it takes a while to realize what has happened. It was like I was finding myself all over again and at times it was very difficult. For the first 6 months I cried just about every day and if someone asked me about finding my birth family I would usually cry. I think it took me a full year to finally not cry about finding my Mama.
It was a long drive from Hays, KS to Kansas City. I think it was only 5 hours to drive, but I was so nervous about the upcoming lunch. I should also add that the day before I talked with my Dad and made sure he was okay with meeting my whole new family and he was wonderful and said that would be okay.
We got there first and then slowly everyone else showed up. There were 8 of us there and it was one of the greatest lunches. The whole lunch was easy conversation and everyone really seemed to get along and like each other. During lunch my Dad got everyones attention and pulled out a bracelet that belonged to my Grandma Murphy and he gave it to me. As soon as I saw the bracelet I was flooded with memories of my Grandma Murphy and I remember her wearing this exact bracelet. I think as a little girl I always hoped she would give it to me because it has about 10 little charms that each one represents something about Minnesota. My Grandma Murphy is so special to me and Minnesota is so special to me because of my Grandma Murphy. Getting this bracelet was like a gift from heaven. And for my Dad to present it to me in front of everyone was a wonderful thing. He said he knew she would want me to have it. My grandma Murphy was a very tiny woman so there is no way the bracelet would fit me now, so I have it in my wallet, so every time I open my wallet I am reminded of my Grandma Murphy.
It was hard leaving this lunch because I knew it was going to be a long time before I would be back to Kansas City. Moving cross county, unpacking and finding work doesn't leave much time to go back for a visit. Now that I won't be using any vacation time to visit NY, I am hoping to have longer visits in KC when I go home.
After lunch everyone came outside to meet (or see again) our cats, Lizzy and the birds. We all stood around for about 30 minutes talking and I could tell we were all wanting to just freeze time because the 8 of us were having such a good time together. Eventually I said..Okay, we really need to go this time. I hugged each of them and we got in our cars and we on our way east. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I saw the 6 of them walking to their cars talking. I smile and felt so happy that I was able to see all of them. Between my family in Kansas City and New York, I am so so lucky and LOVED. For so many years when I was by myself I felt so unlovable, so the universe is making up for those lonely times.
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Settling In
D keeps telling me that I need to update my blog and continue on with my story. She is right so here I am. I need to write more. It is so healthy for me emotionally to write and get what I need out since I tend to hold things in until there is an explosion. Plus, I love writing and I love sharing my story with whoever decides to read my public journal.
I promise to continue on with our story of driving across the county, but I want to check in with how it is living here in New York after 7 weeks. Two words: Culture Shock!
D grew up here, but has been gone for the last 20+ years. A lot of things changes in that time and after living in small towns for at least the last 16 years, it's been a challenge for her. We just take it one day at a time and we have found that playing Uno is a great way for her to relax and distract her for a bit...especially if she is winning.
Living in NYC has always been a dream and wish of mine. We have lived here for 7 weeks now and I think L.I. (Long Island) is the closest I want to get to NYC. I am still getting used to all of the traffic. And most of the traffic is all the time. I have been out a few times around 7am on a weekend and it's not too busy out yet. I keep telling D that the traffic hasn't seemws that bad to me yet, but she keeps reminding me that we have barely left the town where we live. She's right...I am sure I will get to know the real traffic of L.I. when I start having a daily drive to work. At least a couple times a day we look at each other and say, I can't believe we live here. I love being so close to pretty much anything I need or want. It's been fun exploring the area around our house and finding the restaurants that we like or don't like, where to get Lizzy's food and where to get work done on our cars. During the inspection for my car they told me the brakes on my back tires were really low and I needed to get them changed soon. When I asked about making an appointment they told me to just come back..and sure enough when I took the car yesterday they got me right in and get this....I was charged less than originally quoted. Then this morning my tire pressure light came on and I found a tire store within a mile from us and I took it there today and with just a little bit of air in each tire the light came off and they didn't charge me anything. Such nice people.
People are starting to recognize D and I around town because of she uses lunch boxes for her pocketbook and her current one is a South Park one. The DMV people remembered us from her pocketbook, as did the waiter at the diner. One of the many things that I love so much about D...her willingness to not care what anyone thinks and carry around a metal lunch box as her pocketbook.
We finally got the blinds up on our house. It's made such a difference in the amount of noise we hear from the street. When we looked at this house it was in July and there was no school. We have about 8 buses that go up and down our street 2x a day and most times they are at full speed. It's impossible to have our front door open in the afternoon when the buses and all the cars are driving by...it's so loud and noisy. We have found that our neighborhood is pretty quiet otherwise. We have met all our surrounding neighbors and most seem pretty friendly. The one neighbor to our right brought us over 4 boxes of snack cakes from Sara Lee. It was a very sweet gesture.
So much to get used to that is different....trash here is 2x a week, plus once a week they pick up recycles, we get our mail right at our house (we are so used to having to go to the post office), still trying to get used to watching the NY news....so many scary things going on in the world and right down the street., I suddenly want to read all about L.I. history...there are signs all over that mark the place of a building from the 1800's, etc . So fascinating I'm loving learning so much.
Life here is so good for so many reasons. We had no choice in moving out of Leadville and when we knew we had to move we talked about different places we could move and it always came back to being here. We always said...family, friends, food and we have had so much of all 3 that our bellies and hearts are filling back up with food and love.
I promise to continue on with our story of driving across the county, but I want to check in with how it is living here in New York after 7 weeks. Two words: Culture Shock!
D grew up here, but has been gone for the last 20+ years. A lot of things changes in that time and after living in small towns for at least the last 16 years, it's been a challenge for her. We just take it one day at a time and we have found that playing Uno is a great way for her to relax and distract her for a bit...especially if she is winning.
Living in NYC has always been a dream and wish of mine. We have lived here for 7 weeks now and I think L.I. (Long Island) is the closest I want to get to NYC. I am still getting used to all of the traffic. And most of the traffic is all the time. I have been out a few times around 7am on a weekend and it's not too busy out yet. I keep telling D that the traffic hasn't seemws that bad to me yet, but she keeps reminding me that we have barely left the town where we live. She's right...I am sure I will get to know the real traffic of L.I. when I start having a daily drive to work. At least a couple times a day we look at each other and say, I can't believe we live here. I love being so close to pretty much anything I need or want. It's been fun exploring the area around our house and finding the restaurants that we like or don't like, where to get Lizzy's food and where to get work done on our cars. During the inspection for my car they told me the brakes on my back tires were really low and I needed to get them changed soon. When I asked about making an appointment they told me to just come back..and sure enough when I took the car yesterday they got me right in and get this....I was charged less than originally quoted. Then this morning my tire pressure light came on and I found a tire store within a mile from us and I took it there today and with just a little bit of air in each tire the light came off and they didn't charge me anything. Such nice people.
People are starting to recognize D and I around town because of she uses lunch boxes for her pocketbook and her current one is a South Park one. The DMV people remembered us from her pocketbook, as did the waiter at the diner. One of the many things that I love so much about D...her willingness to not care what anyone thinks and carry around a metal lunch box as her pocketbook.
We finally got the blinds up on our house. It's made such a difference in the amount of noise we hear from the street. When we looked at this house it was in July and there was no school. We have about 8 buses that go up and down our street 2x a day and most times they are at full speed. It's impossible to have our front door open in the afternoon when the buses and all the cars are driving by...it's so loud and noisy. We have found that our neighborhood is pretty quiet otherwise. We have met all our surrounding neighbors and most seem pretty friendly. The one neighbor to our right brought us over 4 boxes of snack cakes from Sara Lee. It was a very sweet gesture.
So much to get used to that is different....trash here is 2x a week, plus once a week they pick up recycles, we get our mail right at our house (we are so used to having to go to the post office), still trying to get used to watching the NY news....so many scary things going on in the world and right down the street., I suddenly want to read all about L.I. history...there are signs all over that mark the place of a building from the 1800's, etc . So fascinating I'm loving learning so much.
Life here is so good for so many reasons. We had no choice in moving out of Leadville and when we knew we had to move we talked about different places we could move and it always came back to being here. We always said...family, friends, food and we have had so much of all 3 that our bellies and hearts are filling back up with food and love.
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| The pot of gold is at 7-11 |
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| Keeping guard on the house |
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| Trains all around us...I actually don't mind the sound |
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| The DMV got to know us well. They were quick and efficient at this office. |
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| My wife back to doing what she loves...reading in the sun. |
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| Shayna outside |
Sunday, October 16, 2016
You are now leaving Colorado
Moving from PB to NY: Part 2
So on day 2 of driving I wake up early and go to the Subaru dealership to have them look at my tire. I pull up at 7:12am and they don't open until 7:30am. I decide to go get something to eat real quick since I didn't have much to eat the night before and I get back to the dealership by 7:26 and there are already 2 cars in front of me. Damn...when I was here just 15 minutes earlier there was no one in line. I wait and finally it's my turn. As I am sitting in the waiting area of the Subaru dealership I am replaying all the memories I have had not only in this dealership, but in this county. It's where I worked last and there is just so many memories that I start to cry a little. It had snowed a little overnight so the mountains were beautiful with their white caps. Turns out I had a nail in my tire and the dealership fixed it and didn't charge me anything for it. I know it wasn't much, but it was kind of a nice goodbye to have something so nice done as we are leaving.
After loading up the cats, dog and birds we finally hit the road. We were having some problems with our bank so we decided to stop at the location in Denver. Good thing we did because the banker helped us immediately and made things much less stressful. Finally around 1pm we officially hit the road for NY.
There is nothing in Eastern Colorado. Nothing. I had told D before we left that I wanted to stop at the "You are leaving Colorful Colorado" sign to take some photos. As the sign was approaching I slowed down and D, not knowing what I was doing, passed me and gave me the look of "what the heck are you doing?". So we pass the sign and that's when she realizes what happened. Oh well...it would have been nice getting a picture, but it really wasn't that big of a deal.
So we are out of Colorado and heading on our way. Around 5:30pm we stop in Colby, KS because I wanted to stop and stretch. I suggest to D that we stop for the night and just start out fresh in the morning. She agrees and we stay at the Holiday Inn in Colby, KS where she had surprised me for Valentines Day in 2011 with a weekend away for us. It was such a great weekend and even though there isn't much in Colby, that town will always hold a special place in our hearts.
A couple hours after stopping I go out to my car to get something and suddenly I was in a major hail storm. I moved the car hoping there was a spot under the entrance, but there wasn't, but I was lucky enough to find a tree that kind of protected my car a little. I still got 2 good dings from the hail, but it could have been a lot worse with the size of the hail. I ended up being stuck in my car for about an hour because of the downpour and the hail.
The next morning we get up and head out. I think I had asked D if she wanted me to set an alarm and she said, no the cats will wake us up. They didn't that morning and we overslept. We were scheduled to be in KC that evening and had plans to have dinner with some of my family. We jump up, load everyone in the car and hit the road. About 90 minutes later we hit Hays, KS where we decide to stop for breakfast. As we are pulling in, it looks like there are storms ahead, so I give Lizzy her calming meds and we head in to eat. After breakfast, D tells me that she is very dizzy. We talk for a few minutes and after thinking about it for a second, I make the decision that we are staying in Hays, KS and we will rest a day. Poor Lizzy was knocked out because I had given her a pill and not only did it not storm it was sunny. Poor Lizzy. I knew that we had plenty of time to get to NY and her health was more important then pushing to make it there.
One thing that I would like to add...the people in not only Colby, KS, but Hays, KS are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. When we checked into the hotel in Hays, KS around noon on Friday they noticed D wasn't feeling well and quickly got us in the room. At one point I went back to the front desk for something and they asked how she was feeling. Just very nice, genuine people. A few hours after resting D decided that maybe she should get her blood pressure checked. Her blood pressure had become a small issue that last few months we lived in Leadville (due to the altitude) so we wanted to make sure she was doing okay. D looked up and found the local health department because we knew they would do a blood pressure check. So we set up exploring Hays, KS. We did find the Health Department, but they close at 11am on Fridays..and it was around 3pm. So we head to Walgreens where the pharmacist comes out and takes her blood pressure. It was within normal levels for her, so that made us feel a lot better. Again, we were met with such a nice person (the pharmacist) and he even gave us a suggestion for dinner. We decided on something different and went with a Greek/Italian restaurant. Our food was very good and D was quite surprised she found suitable food (for her) in the middle of Kansas.
We got a great nights sleep and Saturday morning came and D was feeling better so we got on the road early and I couldn't wait to get to Kansas City to see my family. Luckily my family was wonderful and agreed that we all could meet for lunch that day. I knew it was going to be an interesting lunch because there was going to be my birth Mom, my brother A and his family, my Ant from my birth father's side and my adoptive Dad. Kind of my two worlds coming together.
Turned out to be one of the neatest and most memorable lunches I have ever had.
Stay tuned for more.
So on day 2 of driving I wake up early and go to the Subaru dealership to have them look at my tire. I pull up at 7:12am and they don't open until 7:30am. I decide to go get something to eat real quick since I didn't have much to eat the night before and I get back to the dealership by 7:26 and there are already 2 cars in front of me. Damn...when I was here just 15 minutes earlier there was no one in line. I wait and finally it's my turn. As I am sitting in the waiting area of the Subaru dealership I am replaying all the memories I have had not only in this dealership, but in this county. It's where I worked last and there is just so many memories that I start to cry a little. It had snowed a little overnight so the mountains were beautiful with their white caps. Turns out I had a nail in my tire and the dealership fixed it and didn't charge me anything for it. I know it wasn't much, but it was kind of a nice goodbye to have something so nice done as we are leaving.
After loading up the cats, dog and birds we finally hit the road. We were having some problems with our bank so we decided to stop at the location in Denver. Good thing we did because the banker helped us immediately and made things much less stressful. Finally around 1pm we officially hit the road for NY.
There is nothing in Eastern Colorado. Nothing. I had told D before we left that I wanted to stop at the "You are leaving Colorful Colorado" sign to take some photos. As the sign was approaching I slowed down and D, not knowing what I was doing, passed me and gave me the look of "what the heck are you doing?". So we pass the sign and that's when she realizes what happened. Oh well...it would have been nice getting a picture, but it really wasn't that big of a deal.
So we are out of Colorado and heading on our way. Around 5:30pm we stop in Colby, KS because I wanted to stop and stretch. I suggest to D that we stop for the night and just start out fresh in the morning. She agrees and we stay at the Holiday Inn in Colby, KS where she had surprised me for Valentines Day in 2011 with a weekend away for us. It was such a great weekend and even though there isn't much in Colby, that town will always hold a special place in our hearts.
A couple hours after stopping I go out to my car to get something and suddenly I was in a major hail storm. I moved the car hoping there was a spot under the entrance, but there wasn't, but I was lucky enough to find a tree that kind of protected my car a little. I still got 2 good dings from the hail, but it could have been a lot worse with the size of the hail. I ended up being stuck in my car for about an hour because of the downpour and the hail.
The next morning we get up and head out. I think I had asked D if she wanted me to set an alarm and she said, no the cats will wake us up. They didn't that morning and we overslept. We were scheduled to be in KC that evening and had plans to have dinner with some of my family. We jump up, load everyone in the car and hit the road. About 90 minutes later we hit Hays, KS where we decide to stop for breakfast. As we are pulling in, it looks like there are storms ahead, so I give Lizzy her calming meds and we head in to eat. After breakfast, D tells me that she is very dizzy. We talk for a few minutes and after thinking about it for a second, I make the decision that we are staying in Hays, KS and we will rest a day. Poor Lizzy was knocked out because I had given her a pill and not only did it not storm it was sunny. Poor Lizzy. I knew that we had plenty of time to get to NY and her health was more important then pushing to make it there.
One thing that I would like to add...the people in not only Colby, KS, but Hays, KS are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. When we checked into the hotel in Hays, KS around noon on Friday they noticed D wasn't feeling well and quickly got us in the room. At one point I went back to the front desk for something and they asked how she was feeling. Just very nice, genuine people. A few hours after resting D decided that maybe she should get her blood pressure checked. Her blood pressure had become a small issue that last few months we lived in Leadville (due to the altitude) so we wanted to make sure she was doing okay. D looked up and found the local health department because we knew they would do a blood pressure check. So we set up exploring Hays, KS. We did find the Health Department, but they close at 11am on Fridays..and it was around 3pm. So we head to Walgreens where the pharmacist comes out and takes her blood pressure. It was within normal levels for her, so that made us feel a lot better. Again, we were met with such a nice person (the pharmacist) and he even gave us a suggestion for dinner. We decided on something different and went with a Greek/Italian restaurant. Our food was very good and D was quite surprised she found suitable food (for her) in the middle of Kansas.
We got a great nights sleep and Saturday morning came and D was feeling better so we got on the road early and I couldn't wait to get to Kansas City to see my family. Luckily my family was wonderful and agreed that we all could meet for lunch that day. I knew it was going to be an interesting lunch because there was going to be my birth Mom, my brother A and his family, my Ant from my birth father's side and my adoptive Dad. Kind of my two worlds coming together.
Turned out to be one of the neatest and most memorable lunches I have ever had.
Stay tuned for more.
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| Max getting one last look before heading out for our drive |
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| Palm trees in Colby, KS |
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| Amazing storm |
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| Stuck in my car |
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| Day of rest |
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| Topeka turnpike |
Friday, October 14, 2016
Moving Cross County
I need to write down the wonderful, scary and sometimes really sad drive we had from Colorado to New York. I want to remember all of the little fun details for years to come.
Day 1: Wednesday, September 14
The moving company was scheduled to be at our house between 11am-2pm. D and I had packed up everything and we just kind of stood around waiting for the movers to show up. Around noon I decided to put the cats in the master bath/walk in closet so they would be out of the way. Our vet had suggested that we give the cats their calming meds the day we are moving so they will be calm throughout the house being packed up and moved out. So we waited...and waited...and waited. A little before 2 we called the moving company, and I think we left a message asking where the movers were. At some point we talked to the moving company and they had just left Denver. So, they were going to be really late. I think they finally showed up around 4:00pm. It took them a little over 3 hours to pack and load up the truck. I'm leaving out all the details about the moving company and the horrible experience we had because it's such a long story and I would rather write and remember all the good and fun little things we did on the drive.
We finally got on the road and left the house for good around 7:20pm. As the truck drove away and we loaded up the cats, Lizzy and our 2 birds the sky opened up and it started raining. As D and I stood in the house one last time she turned to me and said, "It's as if Leadville is sad we are leaving" (because of the rain). We hugged, turned off all the lights, closed the shades and said goodbye to our home in the mountains. I have only lived in the CO house for the last 5 years...D has lived there for the last 16 and it's the longest she has ever lived in one single home. There are a lot of memories in that home and so much of the beginning of us is in that home. It's the first place we stayed together on our first meeting, it's the house that we fell in love, it's the house where we said goodbye to some beloved pets, and welcomed others into our family. It's also the place where we said our vows to each other and become Dr. and Mrs. We took a few special items from the home (the house # that we bought on our honeymoon as well as the custom made engraved stone that was in the front that had the address---D had it made 16 years ago when she moved in) and there are 2 pine trees in our back yard and it's where the large engraved stone is now. It feels like a little piece of Colorado here on Long Island.
As we drove away from Leadville it started to snow. Part of me was so happy to see a little bit of snow before we left, and the other part of me was scared because it was white out conditions at times and was thankful that I would not have to drive over mountain passes anymore in the snow. As we made it to our hotel I was so relived that we had finally made it and couldn't wait to get in and get settled and go to bed.
About 10 miles outside of Leadville, the tire pressure light came on in my car. When I have car trouble, or electronic troubles, I suddenly become a sailor and every bad word I know comes out of my mouth. Tire troubles is the last thing you want to deal with just as you are about to drive 2000 miles. We were staying at a hotel that was right across from the Subaru dealership where I had bought Max, so I was not going to worry about it for right now.
At the hotel they asked for my name and when they couldn't find it, they informed me that they were sold out. I had called earlier in the day and asked if they had any rooms and they said there would be plenty of rooms later on because it was not busy at all. Part of me wanted to make a reservation, but that would require me walking out to my car to get my wallet to get my credit card, and I was exhausted from packing, etc and what I was now learning was...I should not have been lazy. I look at D like...what are we going to do? The lady at the desk said I should try the hotel next door because they are pet friendly as well, so we waited while she called. Just a side note...it's very hard finding nice pet friendly hotels that will accept dogs over 25lbs and cats and more than 2 pets for a room. After several minutes I walk out and tell D that we should just drive to the hotel. We do and luckily they had a room for us. And they would accept our little menagerie of pets. They give us our room key and we start loading up the pets. As the trip progressed, we got really good at loading up the pets, luggage, but this was the first night and we were stressed, sad and exhausted. There may have been some cussing on my part..lol. We got the first load on the carts and head up to the room. We get to the room and try to key in the door. No luck. We try again and this time it works, but the dead bold is on. Suddenly a man appears and is about as shocked as we are that we are trying to enter his hotel room. I tell D to stay on the floor by the elevator and I will go figure out what is wrong. The manager had no idea who was in the room, but he quickly gave us another room and we got settled in our room.
The bed was uncomfortable and we both laid down knowing this was our last night for a very long time in Colorado. Plus, the fact that this was just the first night of a very long drive made both of us so anxious and nervous..but we were too tired to feel anything at this point.
......to be continued.
Day 1: Wednesday, September 14
The moving company was scheduled to be at our house between 11am-2pm. D and I had packed up everything and we just kind of stood around waiting for the movers to show up. Around noon I decided to put the cats in the master bath/walk in closet so they would be out of the way. Our vet had suggested that we give the cats their calming meds the day we are moving so they will be calm throughout the house being packed up and moved out. So we waited...and waited...and waited. A little before 2 we called the moving company, and I think we left a message asking where the movers were. At some point we talked to the moving company and they had just left Denver. So, they were going to be really late. I think they finally showed up around 4:00pm. It took them a little over 3 hours to pack and load up the truck. I'm leaving out all the details about the moving company and the horrible experience we had because it's such a long story and I would rather write and remember all the good and fun little things we did on the drive.
We finally got on the road and left the house for good around 7:20pm. As the truck drove away and we loaded up the cats, Lizzy and our 2 birds the sky opened up and it started raining. As D and I stood in the house one last time she turned to me and said, "It's as if Leadville is sad we are leaving" (because of the rain). We hugged, turned off all the lights, closed the shades and said goodbye to our home in the mountains. I have only lived in the CO house for the last 5 years...D has lived there for the last 16 and it's the longest she has ever lived in one single home. There are a lot of memories in that home and so much of the beginning of us is in that home. It's the first place we stayed together on our first meeting, it's the house that we fell in love, it's the house where we said goodbye to some beloved pets, and welcomed others into our family. It's also the place where we said our vows to each other and become Dr. and Mrs. We took a few special items from the home (the house # that we bought on our honeymoon as well as the custom made engraved stone that was in the front that had the address---D had it made 16 years ago when she moved in) and there are 2 pine trees in our back yard and it's where the large engraved stone is now. It feels like a little piece of Colorado here on Long Island.
As we drove away from Leadville it started to snow. Part of me was so happy to see a little bit of snow before we left, and the other part of me was scared because it was white out conditions at times and was thankful that I would not have to drive over mountain passes anymore in the snow. As we made it to our hotel I was so relived that we had finally made it and couldn't wait to get in and get settled and go to bed.
About 10 miles outside of Leadville, the tire pressure light came on in my car. When I have car trouble, or electronic troubles, I suddenly become a sailor and every bad word I know comes out of my mouth. Tire troubles is the last thing you want to deal with just as you are about to drive 2000 miles. We were staying at a hotel that was right across from the Subaru dealership where I had bought Max, so I was not going to worry about it for right now.
At the hotel they asked for my name and when they couldn't find it, they informed me that they were sold out. I had called earlier in the day and asked if they had any rooms and they said there would be plenty of rooms later on because it was not busy at all. Part of me wanted to make a reservation, but that would require me walking out to my car to get my wallet to get my credit card, and I was exhausted from packing, etc and what I was now learning was...I should not have been lazy. I look at D like...what are we going to do? The lady at the desk said I should try the hotel next door because they are pet friendly as well, so we waited while she called. Just a side note...it's very hard finding nice pet friendly hotels that will accept dogs over 25lbs and cats and more than 2 pets for a room. After several minutes I walk out and tell D that we should just drive to the hotel. We do and luckily they had a room for us. And they would accept our little menagerie of pets. They give us our room key and we start loading up the pets. As the trip progressed, we got really good at loading up the pets, luggage, but this was the first night and we were stressed, sad and exhausted. There may have been some cussing on my part..lol. We got the first load on the carts and head up to the room. We get to the room and try to key in the door. No luck. We try again and this time it works, but the dead bold is on. Suddenly a man appears and is about as shocked as we are that we are trying to enter his hotel room. I tell D to stay on the floor by the elevator and I will go figure out what is wrong. The manager had no idea who was in the room, but he quickly gave us another room and we got settled in our room.
The bed was uncomfortable and we both laid down knowing this was our last night for a very long time in Colorado. Plus, the fact that this was just the first night of a very long drive made both of us so anxious and nervous..but we were too tired to feel anything at this point.
......to be continued.
Friday, August 19, 2016
It's Not Suppose to Be Easy.....
.......that's why it feels so f***ing good. (Awolnation)
It's been a tough week. When I got back from Kansas City I suddenly became very anxious and nervous about moving so far away. I would move to the moon with D if that's where we needed to live and I know it's all going to work out, but still, it's very scary for me. New York is a whole new world and a completely different lifestyle. I've always thought that once you are west of St. Louis it's as if everything slows down and life is at a normal (although fast at times) pace. In New York you have the option to do anything you want, at just about any hour of the day. We aren't living in New York City and things do close where we live, but drive 20 minutes either way and I am sure we could find something if we needed something. We are going from a town of 2500 to a town of 203,000....and don't forget about the other 7.3 million people around us on Long Island. I think both D and I hope to maintain somewhat of our laid back lifestyle. Early on when we were talking about moving I told her that we could turn our home in NY into a little oasis from the world right outside. With the house we bought, I know that is something we can do. We love the neighborhood that the house is in too. We drove around a little the last time we were there and when you leave our house if you go in one direction that leads you to town and just about any store that you could want and if you go in the other direction you continue into our neighborhood that is sidewalk lined with big beautiful trees. It's the best of both worlds.
So back to tough week....by Friday of last week I was so miserable and just didn't want to deal with anyone or anything. When I get scared or anxious, I tend to turn inward and escape into my own world. I start thinking about things and before I know it I am a complete mess. Last Saturday we went to Denver and I was not appropriate to be in public. My wife is a saint and put up with me and just let me work through whatever I was going through. I couldn't tell her what was wrong (because I didn't know) so she was wonderful and was patient until I could say what was upsetting me. She then got to work and helped me get back to a more peaceful center. Monday we decided to go to the hot springs and I know that helped and got some of those toxins out of my body. We plan on going back to the hot springs before we leave because I know we will both need it in a few weeks. D reminded me that there is lithium in the hot spring water, so that explains why I always come away so relaxed I am like a limp rag.
Since I was starting to feel better, I spent Tuesday and Wednesday packing everything I could. We are down to the stuff that we use on a regular basis for packing. There are zero options for take out so we are still having to use a lot of our kitchen things. After 5 years in a town with almost no restaurant options and one really bad grocery store, you run out of things to eat and to fix. This last month or so of us being here I feel like I am starving. I know all the good food that lies ahead of us in New York (another reminder to find a good gym there) but right now it seems so far away because nothing I am eating here in Colorado is satisfying my need for good food.
The last few months in pictures
See you next time!
It's been a tough week. When I got back from Kansas City I suddenly became very anxious and nervous about moving so far away. I would move to the moon with D if that's where we needed to live and I know it's all going to work out, but still, it's very scary for me. New York is a whole new world and a completely different lifestyle. I've always thought that once you are west of St. Louis it's as if everything slows down and life is at a normal (although fast at times) pace. In New York you have the option to do anything you want, at just about any hour of the day. We aren't living in New York City and things do close where we live, but drive 20 minutes either way and I am sure we could find something if we needed something. We are going from a town of 2500 to a town of 203,000....and don't forget about the other 7.3 million people around us on Long Island. I think both D and I hope to maintain somewhat of our laid back lifestyle. Early on when we were talking about moving I told her that we could turn our home in NY into a little oasis from the world right outside. With the house we bought, I know that is something we can do. We love the neighborhood that the house is in too. We drove around a little the last time we were there and when you leave our house if you go in one direction that leads you to town and just about any store that you could want and if you go in the other direction you continue into our neighborhood that is sidewalk lined with big beautiful trees. It's the best of both worlds.
So back to tough week....by Friday of last week I was so miserable and just didn't want to deal with anyone or anything. When I get scared or anxious, I tend to turn inward and escape into my own world. I start thinking about things and before I know it I am a complete mess. Last Saturday we went to Denver and I was not appropriate to be in public. My wife is a saint and put up with me and just let me work through whatever I was going through. I couldn't tell her what was wrong (because I didn't know) so she was wonderful and was patient until I could say what was upsetting me. She then got to work and helped me get back to a more peaceful center. Monday we decided to go to the hot springs and I know that helped and got some of those toxins out of my body. We plan on going back to the hot springs before we leave because I know we will both need it in a few weeks. D reminded me that there is lithium in the hot spring water, so that explains why I always come away so relaxed I am like a limp rag.
Since I was starting to feel better, I spent Tuesday and Wednesday packing everything I could. We are down to the stuff that we use on a regular basis for packing. There are zero options for take out so we are still having to use a lot of our kitchen things. After 5 years in a town with almost no restaurant options and one really bad grocery store, you run out of things to eat and to fix. This last month or so of us being here I feel like I am starving. I know all the good food that lies ahead of us in New York (another reminder to find a good gym there) but right now it seems so far away because nothing I am eating here in Colorado is satisfying my need for good food.
The last few months in pictures
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| Our new home sweet home |
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| The new view out the front window |
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| Little Love is always calm and easy going |
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| Lizzy enjoying the lake in July |
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| Beautiful Colorado Wildflowers |
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| I adore them |
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| Oak Tree at new house |
See you next time!
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
KC-PB-NY
So, yeah, we are moving. There are moments (like right now) where I can't believe we are actually moving out of the mountains. My pwdrgrl is leaving her mountains and we will rejoin society when we move to Long Island, New York. We have had the best life here in the mountains. I moved here a little over 5 years ago and it's been as if we have been on this 5 year honeymoon, up in the mountains away from everyone, but now it's time for us to move close to family and friends and a place where I can work in the one of many areas of social work that I enjoy. Plus, we are going from living at 10,200 feet above sea level to being at sea level. We have decided that oxygen is a good thing and there's just not enough up here at the top of the world. When we go down to sea level (or anything lower than 6,000 feet), we both feel like we can run a marathon. When we visit New York, I never need as much sleep and I wake up ready to go. After being here for 5 years my body is just really tired. The altitude has been a great thing for me because it has allowed me to totally adjust the way I eat. It has been necessary for me to drink at least 8 or more cups of water a day. I learned quickly that once you become dehydrated the altitude sickness can take over and you feel miserable. Living at high altitude has also caused my appetite to completely change. For the last 3 years my appetite has been cut in half. When we go places people are shocked that Dede and I share many of our meals. It's not uncommon for her to cook one pork chop and we will share it and then have a veggie. I feel like I have learned how to re-eat and how to make better choices overall. I still have days when I am really bad and don't eat well, but that feeling doesn't last long like it used to.
Leadville will always be something special to both of us. We were married here and this house is where we fell in love. I still remember sitting in the exact spot I am in right now when D came over and told me she loved me for the first time, we learned how to live together as a couple in this home, we welcomed pets into our family and said goodbye to several. When we got married one of my co-workers made us a sign from wood in her backyard that has our names, the date we got married engraved into the wood. And it has Leadville, CO carved into it. I knew that we probably wouldn't stay here forever, so when we got this gift I knew it was going to be extra special since it says Leadville.
We are trading the mountains for the ocean. Our life is going to be completely different and we will friends and family just down the road....it's been so long since I have been around any family (2007) that is there for you. Everything is going to be so new for me. D has lived there before (it's been almost 30 years, but some things never change) but everything is going to be so new for me. I have decided that I will be lost for at least for the first year....it's a good thing that I don't usually get too upset about being lost. For me, it's the only way to really learn.
New York has always always had a special place in my heart. My maternal Grandmother was born and raised in Brooklyn and I was told stories about her growing up and I feel in love with New York from all her stories. Plus, the Watchtower Tract Society was based out of Brooklyn, NY until just a few years ago, so I was taught that this was the most holy place in the world. The first time I visited New York was in 1987 or so when I went to visit a friend from summer camp that lived outside of NYC in New Jersey. It was Thanksgiving and they took us into the city that weekend and I was just in awe of everything that was NYC. I visited that friend one more time, this time in the summer, and again I begged for us to go into the city and again, I was in complete awe of everything I saw. I remember it being hot, but I still loved everything about it. On this one particular trip we also went to the beach and I just thought it was so cool where my friend lived.
My ex-husband I visited my cousin J there in 1999; she was living (and still is) at "Bethel" (what the headquarters are called) and when we went to NYC with his parents we made it a point to get the big tour of Bethel. J and her husband lived in a great but very small apartment in Brooklyn Heights where they were surrounded by other young married couples all working for the Watchtower. Again, my love for New York came out and I spent many hours dreaming of what life in NYC would be like.
I decided to start blogging because there is so much going on right now that I want something I can look back on and read my feelings and reactions. I have missed writing so much and there have been so many times that I have wanted to write, but honestly I have been lazy. If I want to keep writing I need to make myself do it. I love writing and sharing my life and stories with others, now I just need to make myself do it!!
Kansas City--Leadville (PB)--New York
Leadville will always be something special to both of us. We were married here and this house is where we fell in love. I still remember sitting in the exact spot I am in right now when D came over and told me she loved me for the first time, we learned how to live together as a couple in this home, we welcomed pets into our family and said goodbye to several. When we got married one of my co-workers made us a sign from wood in her backyard that has our names, the date we got married engraved into the wood. And it has Leadville, CO carved into it. I knew that we probably wouldn't stay here forever, so when we got this gift I knew it was going to be extra special since it says Leadville.
We are trading the mountains for the ocean. Our life is going to be completely different and we will friends and family just down the road....it's been so long since I have been around any family (2007) that is there for you. Everything is going to be so new for me. D has lived there before (it's been almost 30 years, but some things never change) but everything is going to be so new for me. I have decided that I will be lost for at least for the first year....it's a good thing that I don't usually get too upset about being lost. For me, it's the only way to really learn.
New York has always always had a special place in my heart. My maternal Grandmother was born and raised in Brooklyn and I was told stories about her growing up and I feel in love with New York from all her stories. Plus, the Watchtower Tract Society was based out of Brooklyn, NY until just a few years ago, so I was taught that this was the most holy place in the world. The first time I visited New York was in 1987 or so when I went to visit a friend from summer camp that lived outside of NYC in New Jersey. It was Thanksgiving and they took us into the city that weekend and I was just in awe of everything that was NYC. I visited that friend one more time, this time in the summer, and again I begged for us to go into the city and again, I was in complete awe of everything I saw. I remember it being hot, but I still loved everything about it. On this one particular trip we also went to the beach and I just thought it was so cool where my friend lived.
My ex-husband I visited my cousin J there in 1999; she was living (and still is) at "Bethel" (what the headquarters are called) and when we went to NYC with his parents we made it a point to get the big tour of Bethel. J and her husband lived in a great but very small apartment in Brooklyn Heights where they were surrounded by other young married couples all working for the Watchtower. Again, my love for New York came out and I spent many hours dreaming of what life in NYC would be like.
I decided to start blogging because there is so much going on right now that I want something I can look back on and read my feelings and reactions. I have missed writing so much and there have been so many times that I have wanted to write, but honestly I have been lazy. If I want to keep writing I need to make myself do it. I love writing and sharing my life and stories with others, now I just need to make myself do it!!
Kansas City--Leadville (PB)--New York
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Let's try this again
I need to blog. That is what I have been telling myself for the last month or so. Blogging is so good for me and it allows me a way to express what's going on with this journey I am on. It's hard to believe but blogging has been a part of life (in some way) for 11 years. My blog was my connection to the world when things got really lonely in my life and I remember leaving my email account open on my computer just waiting for someone to comment. I remember coming home and immediately writing about it. Those years I blogged on a regular basis were very lonely years for me and now I have this wonderful woman to share my life with blogging has taken a backseat to pretty much everything. I think about blogging all the time and really wish writing on a daily basis would become a habit again.
It's been almost four months since I got satellite radio and it really is one of the best things and I have enjoyed it more than I ever thought I would. I will admit that when we were in NY I really enjoyed listening to the radio and more current songs. I was a little distraught when I realized one of my favorite songs (Love Yourself) was by Justin Bieber. I just really like the song and the message behind it. Since getting satellite radio all I have been listening to is old songs. Songs from the 80s, Love Songs, anything before 2010 I am listening to. One thing that music does for me is when I hear a song I can immediately go back and picture a time in my life when that song was popular. As the song is playing I have a video playing in my mind of what my life was like during that year or time. I have so many good memories from everything before now and I can feel that happiness through the songs. Same goes for those tough memories or the times when it seemed like I had no one that loved or cared about me. With all the love and people I have in my life now, it's hard to imagine that at one time I had no one turn to when things got really hard and tough. And because I try to see the positive in everything, I see those times as when I learned how to survive and be a totally independent and success person. It was during those times when I learned that I was stronger than I ever imagined and whatever I put my mind to I could make happen. D and I talk a lot about the courage it took for me to move out of Kansas City in 2009 to a small Kansas town where I knew no one. I knew I had to get out of Kansas City because I was running into my family that was rejecting me on a weekly, if not, daily basis. I decided what I wanted and found myself a job, a cute little stone house and lots of friends that love me still to this day.
I'm a tough cookie, but I am also very tender and my heart gets hurt easily. It seems lately that my heart has been more tender and I can't figure out if that's a good thing or something I need to worry about.
I have lots of things to say.....I just need to say them.
I am going to try to write more. I have a new goal in my mind and blogging is a big part of that dream.
It's been almost four months since I got satellite radio and it really is one of the best things and I have enjoyed it more than I ever thought I would. I will admit that when we were in NY I really enjoyed listening to the radio and more current songs. I was a little distraught when I realized one of my favorite songs (Love Yourself) was by Justin Bieber. I just really like the song and the message behind it. Since getting satellite radio all I have been listening to is old songs. Songs from the 80s, Love Songs, anything before 2010 I am listening to. One thing that music does for me is when I hear a song I can immediately go back and picture a time in my life when that song was popular. As the song is playing I have a video playing in my mind of what my life was like during that year or time. I have so many good memories from everything before now and I can feel that happiness through the songs. Same goes for those tough memories or the times when it seemed like I had no one that loved or cared about me. With all the love and people I have in my life now, it's hard to imagine that at one time I had no one turn to when things got really hard and tough. And because I try to see the positive in everything, I see those times as when I learned how to survive and be a totally independent and success person. It was during those times when I learned that I was stronger than I ever imagined and whatever I put my mind to I could make happen. D and I talk a lot about the courage it took for me to move out of Kansas City in 2009 to a small Kansas town where I knew no one. I knew I had to get out of Kansas City because I was running into my family that was rejecting me on a weekly, if not, daily basis. I decided what I wanted and found myself a job, a cute little stone house and lots of friends that love me still to this day.
I'm a tough cookie, but I am also very tender and my heart gets hurt easily. It seems lately that my heart has been more tender and I can't figure out if that's a good thing or something I need to worry about.
I have lots of things to say.....I just need to say them.
I am going to try to write more. I have a new goal in my mind and blogging is a big part of that dream.
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| A great thinking place |
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