Got what I asked for

The sun is down, the outside is all dark and quiet and rest of the world has gone to bed, but for me this is the time when I think the most and when I want to write. I have always found comfort in the dark and when I lived in the Midwest I would love the days where it was raining and cloudy. Most people I know need the sun a lot more than I do and being in the darkness is one of my favorite places to me. Having lupus has also affected the way I am towards the sun. I was a typical teenager that loved to lay in the sun and even bragged about  sun tanning oil I had called "Thermonuclear Sun Tan Oil". Now when I have every inch of my body covered and I am in the sun for more than an hour my lupus goes crazy and I break out in itchy painful rashes on my feet and hands. So I am learning how to love life in the shade and protected from the sun.

For the last couple of months I have thought that I deleted my first and original blog, but much to my surprise it was still there when I looked for it tonight. I opened it back up to the public and I have enjoyed reading some of my old posts tonight. I read a few from when I first started blogging, some when Laura and I broke up and some towards the end of that blog where I was starting a whole new life in a small Kansas town. The blog dates from 2005-2009 and reading through some of my old posts I can't believe how much was going on in my life during those 4 years. I remember someone commenting on a post saying they wished I would put down some roots somewhere. That comment has never left me and I guess it's great to say that I can say I have officially laid down some roots here in Leadville, Colorado. Who knew that I would end up in a place where it snows 9 months out of the year with an average of 14 feet of snow every winter. I had written a post with a picture of a snowy driveway and all I wrote was, I wished I lived here.  Crazy how I now do live in a place very similar to that picture. I also read how much I hoped to find someone that would truly love me and accept me; my past and all. In one post I said that maybe the reasons I hadn't found her yet was because God was still preparing her for me. When I look at the date of that post and then think about what was going on in D's life at the time, I was right...God was preparing her for me because if I had met D anytime except when I did meet her, it would probably have not worked out. Timing is everything.

Tonight I looked out the window and it was raining in the back of our house, but sunny in the front. I wobbled to the front of the house and found one of the most beautiful rainbows right out my front door:

It's a weird feeling to be reading what you were feeling many years ago and realize that everything you had every wished for has come to be. I have always loved the saying everything happens for a reason  and yes, everything does happen for a reason. For so many years I couldn't figure out why Laura and I didn't work out and now that I am living this wonderful life, it does all make sense and I can see why it didn't work out. I was was meant for better things, better people and I got exactly what I asked for.