2001 was a year of change for me. In March of that year my divorce from my ex husband was finally finalized and I felt like a free woman. In June of 2001 I started the 1 year Maters in Social Work program at KU and my life was suddenly crazy. That summer I was working about 32 hours a week and going to school 1 full day each week. I was so busy.
In August of that year I left the job I had been at since I got my bachelors degree. At that time, this job and my co-workers were my one contact with the world. In June 2000 I was disfellowshipped for smoking cigarettes and I did okay not having my family until I was not at work with people I considered my friends. I felt so alone. I think I only lasted 3-4 days after I left my job and when I called my Mom and said, I want to be reinstated. (brought back into the church through a 6+ month process) My Mom and I had not talked much at all during that year that I was disfellowshipped which was hard on me, but again I had my friends from work and I think I was doing pretty good.
My cousin Ryan was getting married in August 2001 and I remember being so upset that I was not at the wedding and all this family was in town and I was left out completely. I think this was part of the reason that I wanted back in the church...I wanted my family back. I was still feeling pretty unsure about whether I wanted to be back in the church, but I was so lonely and felt like I had no one. As sad as it was, I really didn't have anyone. But I knew I would be like the lost sheep that returned to the fold and as soon as I was reinstated, I would have my family back.
On September 11 I was driving to school when I first heard about the attacks in New York. I heard it on the radio and I called my Dad because I wasn't sure if this was a joke or what and sadly my Dad confirmed that a plane had flown into one of the Twin Towers, but he didn't know much else. When I got to school my first class started and we went for about an hour before having a break. It was during that break that we learned of all the attacks that had occurred. I remember sitting in class wondering what in the world was going on and that's when I first thought that maybe this was Armageddon. I think the teacher let us out a little early so we could go watch a tv in another room and that is when I saw one of the towers fall. I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe what was happening before my eyes.
I had a lunch break and my adoptive Mom worked close to where I was attending classes so I drove over to her work and we went to lunch...Taco Via of course. We were talking about people we knew in New York, like my cousin Jill. We knew she was safe, but she was still right in Brooklyn and we had no idea what was coming next. I just wanted to talk to Jill, but I was still disfellowshipped and she refused to speak to me. Once I said I wanted to be reinstated, my Mom instantly started talking to me again and it was like nothing had happened. The only reason she talked to me during the last 6 months of my disfellowshipping was because she knew I was trying and she wanted to encourage me to keep going.
As I drove home that day from school I remember seeing all the long lines for gas and I was freaking out. I was afraid to take the highway home, so I took the back roads all the way home. When I got home I remember sitting outside on the back deck thinking how quiet the air seemed. It just seemed like everything was quiet rest of that day. I had no one to come home to on that day. I had my pets, but there was another person waiting for me to get home so we could hug and reassure each other. It was just me. And boy did I feel so alone on that night.
2001 was such complex year for me and I went through so many changes. After the attacks I remember still feeling so alone and I knew that going back to the church was the wrong thing, but I saw the happiness in my adoptive Mom's face when I did return wanting to repent for all my sins and there was no way I could break her heart again. I had already made a commitment and I had to follow through with it.
But in my heart, something changed after September 11. I saw how the country came together and really rallied behind each other. Our country was so united and even someone that had been taught her entire life to not do anything patriotic, something inside me was coming alive with all of the good that was happening in our country the few months after 9/11. My heart opened in a way it had never done so before and I had never felt more proud to be an American.
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