Living with a bully

At 3 days old I was adopted and placed with my adoptive parents. Two years prior to that they had adopted my brother who from an early age displayed many emotional and mental health problems. My parents described me as an easy baby and bragged that I was sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old...with the help of some rice cereal added to my formula. One of the first stories I remember hearing about my homecoming was the fact that when my 2 year old brother came over to meet me he took the bottle out of my mouth and hit me over the head with it. Everyone kind of laughs about it, but I remember thinking at an early age that he was crazy even back then.

All throughout my childhood my brother was a bully to me and made my life really hard and at times even physically painful. I always felt that I was his own personal punching bag and whenever he was mad or upset (usually at our parents) he would just randomly hit me when no one was looking. When I would say something to my parents about him hitting me, they would tell me to get along with him and to stop fighting. When I was 11 my parents pulled me aside and told me that when my brother starts hitting me, I need to fight him back and all I want for them to do is to say they will make him stop. A few minutes after this conversation my brother walks in the room and I punch him in the face with my right fist. Everyone was shocked and no one could believe I punched him just because he walked in the room.  I guess I missed the part where they said....the next time he tries to hit you.

At the time I punched him I was in the middle of my only real grown spurt and for a few months I was taller than him, so I think that gave me a little bit more confidence. After that he got real tall quick and it became harder and harder to avoid him.

My parents knew he had issues and I didn't learn until I was in the my late 20's but they eventually found out information about his birth mom and and there is a reason he is the way he is. As much as he has hurt me, there is a part of me that feels sorry for him because he didn't have a great beginning to his life and his struggles in life are real and partially not all his fault.

I believe in the thinking that all of our experiences throughout life make us exactly who we are at this moment and I know that all the struggles that I have had in the past have lead me exactly where I am right now. All those tears, struggles, lonely years were worth it because  on those days when I wanted to give up I hung on to the thought that one day it would be better. What I have in my life today is more beautiful than anything I could have imagined for myself. There's more love in my life than I ever thought I deserved and with the help of D I am realizing I always deserved this much love.

A sad story can turn into something so much better.  And my story keep getting better.

And now for one of the best pictures ever taken of me as a child!

What's wrong Jimmy??